


The Boy With No Feelings- Zayn/Liam

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Car Sex, F/M, Fingerfucking, Gay Sex, M/M, Smut, Zayn Smut, Zouis smut, ziall smut, ziam smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-17
Updated: 2013-08-17
Packaged: 2017-12-23 20:02:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/930534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In all honesty, it took Zayn less than 3 minutes to realise that he was actually having romantic feelings towards this person, but he couldn’t accept it. That wasn’t him, that wasn’t Zayn Malik. That wasn’t the Zayn Malik he’d built himself to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Boy With No Feelings- Zayn/Liam

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I should provide a warning since this has a bit of Ziall and Zouis in it too. But its Ziam, and its 10 thousand fucking words long, officially making it the longest thing I’ve ever written. Way! And theres quite a bit of smut, so please take caution. I wish i could have written this better, it isn’t as good as i hoped it would.
> 
> Warnings: Smut, and that’s Ziam/Ziall/Zouis. And a lot of denial. (hehe denial, deNiall)
> 
> WC: 10k+ (Holy fucking hell)

**_“And I won!” Zayn grinned, looking at his frowning boyfriend. “Aww, Dave, don’t be sad.” Zayn said, putting down the controller, and smiling while looking into David’s pretty brown eyes._ **

**_David pouted, but leaned forward and pecked Zayn on the lips. “You’re amazing, you know?” He said sincerely, running a hand through Zayn’s hair._ **

**_For a fifteen year old, Zayn considered himself pretty lucky. He had good grades, a happy home life and great friends in school. But there was one thing in his life he appreciated more than anything. His boyfriend, David Miller. They had met in homeroom in the beginning of the year, and Zayn couldn’t get him out of his head. He felt like the happiest person when they’d started dating. It was like all of Zayn’s dreams had come true._ **

**_“I love you, David.” Zayn said, biting his lip. They only been official for six weeks, and he knew he was pushing the limIt’s, but he had to. He’d been in love with the boy with the pretty brown doe eyes and the messed up hair since the first day of freshman year._ **

**_David swallowed, and Zayn winced internally, maybe he had taken it too far. “I love you too, Zayn.” David smiled sweetly, leaning over and placing a small kiss on Zayn’s lips._ **

**_Zayn was pretty sure he could count this as the happiest day of his life._ **

**_And then it all came crashing down._ **

****

**_“Who are all those flowers for?” Zayn’s mum asked, sipping her tea. Zayn grinned, moving his glasses out of his face. “David.”_ **

**_She laughed. “Honey, you’re whipped.”_ **

**_“I love him.”_ **

**_She coughed slightly at that, smiling but placing her mug on the table and looking up at Zayn. “That’s really sweet honey, just don’t wear your heart on your sleeve alright? I don’t want you to get hurt.”_ **

**_Zayn groaned. “Mum, he’s David. He’ll never hurt me.” She just sighed, and Zayn took that as his cue to walk over to David’s house with flowers to surprise him. He knocked on the door, but he didn’t get any response. He saw a car parked in the driveway, and he’d never seen it before. He decided not to think of it, as he opened the door, which was seemingly unlocked._ **

**_“Hello?” He called out. No response. He heard shuffling upstairs, so he closed the door behind him, heading up to David’s room, bouquet in hand smiling widely because he was in love._ **

**_Zayn headed up to David’s room, which he knew oh-so-well, and saw it was left ajar and the light wasn’t on. He furrowed his eyebrows, hoping everything was alright. He confidently stepped inside the room, dropping the flowers in at the sight in front of him._ **

**_“Dave..”_ **

**_Shirtless. Straddling another boy’s hips._ **

**_He suddenly jerked, deattaching his lips from the neck of the boy underneath him, as he flipped over, turning to his ‘boyfriend.’_ **

**_“I didn’t know you were coming over..” He started, fumbling for an excuse. Zayn just stared at him, mortified, jaw clenching at the sight of the other guy. He knew him, they went to school together. He was a junior, that explained the car._ **

**_“I wanted to surprise you,” Zayn said, swallowing. He could feel tears pooling near his eyes but he fought it. The other boy, the one Zayn had later managed to identify as the baseball team captain, Daniel Gold, said nothing, propping himself on his elbows, not even bothering to put his shirt back on._ **

**_“Zayn.. I’m so sorry-” David started, but go cut off._ **

**_“I thought you loved me.” Zayn said simply, expression unchanged._ **

**_“I do!” David protested, and Zayn swore he heard Daniel scoff._ **

**_“Obviously not enough to not want to hurt me.” Zayn said coldly. “Bye David.” He said, turning at the balls of his feet, walking away as fast as he could, not able to control tears anymore._ **

**_That was the day Zayn promised himself that he would never fall in love._ **

****

**_5 years later_ **

It was only five years later that Zayn had realised that his promise was going to be broken. He sat at the bar, downing another shot of whatever, waiting for Harry to come by. He was at a university now, a pretty good one at that. His life wasn’t exactly that complicated.

It was more of a routine. Go to school every now and then, show up to tests and do well because he was actually pretty smart. Spend time with his only friend/roommate Harry Styles, and go get drunk at the bar a block away from their house.

It wasn’t that Zayn was antisocial- he just preferred being on his own. He didn’t exactly socialize much in high school, spending a good 4 years ignoring his horrible ex David who’d managed to scar him for life. Zayn had one rule- don’t fall in love, it isn’t worth it. And he wasn’t _planning_ to break it for anyone.

Harry was pretty much the opposite of Zayn, he was bubbly, peppy, positive and while it got on Zayn’s nerves sometimes he knew he still needed him around. He’d lived with Harry since the second semester of their freshman year, since Harry refused to leave him alone till Zayn accepted that he was, in fact, his best friend. Harry had been seeing someone, whom Zayn was yet to meet, plainly because Harry said he was “too happy for you to brood around him and turn him into a black hole.”

Zayn didn’t take that to offence, because he didn’t like people whom were too positive, and he really didn’t feel like putting a face to the high pitched moans he could hear from the other end of his apartment.

“Zayn!” Zayn turned at the mention of his name, only to see the familiar curly head. “Hey Haz, wanna drink?” He said.

“Nah, I have to go soon, I have a date.” Harry said. “And that’s what I wanted to talk about. You know my friend Laurie, she just broke up with her ex-”

“Bra size?” Zayn asked immediately, and Harry rolled his eyes but inhaled. “32C.” He sighed, and Zayn smirked. “Go on,” He said smugly.

“So she was thinking about going on a blind date some time, and I thought since you aren’t seeing anyone-”

“I don’t date Harry, but tell me more about her. What colour is her hair?” He asked, calling for another drink for himself. “Blonde.” Zayn’s smile grew. “Awesome. And eyes?”

“Brown, and I just need you to come because It’s a double date-”

“I’m not going on the date if I can’t fuck her, and I’m not going to fuck her if she has brown eyes.” Zayn said, downing his third drink. “Zayn, please, she’s a nice girl and it might be fun-” Harry said, but was interrupted.

“I’m not interested, and no brown eyes remember?” Zayn ignored the glare Harry shot him. “Zayn, it’s been five years mate, falling in love for once isn’t going to hurt.” Harry said, in that concerned tone which always frustrated him. “It always does.” Zayn muttered under his breath. “Sorry, don’t do brown eyes. I don’t like the reminder.” He said, and continued to small talk with Harry before he walked off to his date.

Zayn sighed, scanning the crowd of drunken youngsters for a new conquest. He turned to see who pulled up the stool next to him, and smirked because he made up his mind.

“Hey,” He said to the blond bloke who was seated next to him. He turned in surprise, smiling a bit. “Hey.” He responded, ordering a drink. As he fished out some of his money to pay, placing it on the counter, Zayn took the opportunity to cover his hand with his own. “Hey, let me get that.” He said, giving him his best smoulder.

The blond looked like he was about to protest, but his _blue_ eyes moved to his hand. “Um, alright.” He said cautiously. “I’m Niall.” He bit his lip, thanking Zayn for the drink.

“Hey Niall,” Zayn said sweetly, although the name didn’t register, it never did with him. “I’m Zayn, and what are you doing all alone?” He said, raking his eyes over the boy’s frame. Perfect.

“Erm, I’m just waiting for me roommate.” He said. “He’s supposed ta meet me out here.” 

Zayn smiled, wondering how that accent would sound when it was moaning his name.

***

“Fuck, Zayn, fuck,” The blond moaned into Zayn’s ear, back pressed up against the bathroom wall, legs wrapped around Zayn’s waist as Zayn continued thrusting into him.

It took Zayn about 20 minutes of flirting with -what was his name again?- to get him to hook up with him in the bathroom of the bar. This was something that was very normal for Zayn, sleeping with strangers in public places and then never seeing then again.

The blond moaned again, pushing his hips down on Zayn, who was just as close as he was. Zayn took the opportunity to wrap a hand around the boy’s length, relishing in his moans, wondering if anyone in the next stall was getting off to them because they were so loud and _dirty_ \- and that was what Zayn loved. He loved living in the moment, playing this little game of no strings attached with a new person every time. That was _love_ , it made him feel good and it didn’t hurt.

“Fuck, I’m so close babe,” Zayn said into Niall’s ear, lips pressing against the shell as his thrusts became erratic. The boy let out a scream, coming into Zayn’s hand, head thrown backwards. Zayn felt the familiar feeling of the walls tightening around him as he came into the condom (which he never failed to use) pulling out of him as he helped the Irish boy get back on his feet. He rolled off the condom, tying it as he threw it in the bin next to him. He passed him a roll of toilet paper, using some to clean himself off.

He pulled his shirt back on, not making eye contact with the Irish as they continued to dress themselves. Zayn sighed, deciding he had no choice.

“That was great, see you around.. er.” He said coldly, not even guilty about not remembering the name.

The blond looked at him, disgusted. “Niall, It’s Niall, you inconsiderate prick!” Zayn rolled his eyes, this was exactly what he needed right now, wasn’t it?

“Funny, _niall_ , you weren’t saying that a minute ago.” Zayn said, raising an eyebrow. “Fuck you.” Niall threw back. “Just did,” Zayn said, opening the door and walking out, leaving Niall behind in the stall.

With no remorse, Zayn walked right out, deciding the night was still young and going to the bar, looking for another drink and another quick fuck. There was a man there, Zayn recognized, with close cropped brown hair, and broad shoulders from where he could see. His back was facing Zayn, and it was muscular and Zayn could practically just picture how well that back would arch.

Surprisingly though, that wasn’t his first thought. He was thinking about what he’d smell like and what kind of music he’d like and what he’d look like in a tux.

Zayn swallowed, hoping he was as good looking as he had pictured him in his head. He walked up to the bar, putting his hand on the man’s shoulder. “Hey, can I buy you a drin..” He trailed, almost forgetting how to form coherent words when he saw the man in front of him. His eyes moved up his clean shaven, angular jaw to his pink bow shaped lips which were curved into a small innocent smile, and it took a minute for Zayn to realise this man- whoever he was, had the one thing Zayn knew he was attracted too.

“Brown eyes.” He murmured, and the boy looked at him, smiling as he raised an eyebrow. A mantra set off in Zayn’s mind, a mantra saying /GO/AWAY/NOW, but his feet remained plastered on the ground. He knew he had a problem- brown eyes, doe-eyed innocent looking people with puppy dog eyes had always held a special place in his heart- even though he denied he had one. David had tainted that, tainted that long ago when they were 15, and he’d never recovered, he’d never even tried.

“Are you alright?” The stranger said, eyes looking concerned, and Zayn snapped back to life, blinking. “Yeah, sorry, you just reminded me of someone.” He said softly, running a hand through his hair to maintain his suave. He smirked, forcing himself to talk to the doe-eyed stranger, because even though he had brown eyes and Zayn knew he was going to screw up big time, the stranger was _hot_.

The brunette smiled, “Was he nice?”

“I loved him,” Zayn blurted, and mentally cursed, because what the fuck was he doing? Was he seriously going to throw away all the heartless efforts from the last five years because he felt _butterflies_ for the first time in his life?

“I mean, yeah, I loved him, like 5 years ago.” Zayn said casually. The stranger furrowed his eyebrows but his face broke into a smile again.  “So?” Zayn said, smirking, “Can I buy you a drink?”

The stranger sighed. “I would take you up on that offer, but I don’t drink.” He laughed, and Zayn felt like punching something, specifically his stomach.

But he controlled himself. “And you’re at a bar because?”  Zayn asked, propping an elbow up against the counter. “I’m waiting for my roommate, he promised to meet me here. I’m Liam though, Liam Payne.” He smiled, and Zayn actually took the effort to remember the name.

“Er, I’m Zayn.” Zayn said, trying not to make eye contact with Liam, because he should not have the power he had over Zayn. Never.

“Zayn..?” Liam asked, raising an eyebrow. “Just Zayn,” He replied, calling for another drink for himself. “So, who’s the twat who’s keeping you waiting?” Zayn said, giving Liam an irresistible smile.

“My best friend.” Liam laughed, drinking his coke, and Zayn’s lips parted a little in awe when he saw how pink Liam’s lips were, and he had half an urge to grab his face and kiss him. But he swallowed, blinking. Liam suddenly turned when he heard someone call his name, and he smiled, “Niall!”

As soon as Zayn heard the name his feet began to move, seeing the familiar blond head he did not want to engage in conversation with. Seriously? That was his best friend? Zayn sighed, strolling out of the bar, trying to get his mind of Liam payne, and the one thing he knew was going to be his breaking point.

_Brown eyes_.

 

When Zayn opened up the door to his apartment, he was greeted by nothing except for the regular sight of naked Harry, sprawled out of the couch. This was nothing rare, so Zayn dropped his keys into the bowl, running his hand through his hair.

“You alright Zayn?” Harry looked up, not bothering to cover his junk. “Yeah, I’m okay.” Zayn lied. “Where’s loverboy?” He asked, noticing the extra pair of shoes on the door.

“In the shower.” Harry said sadly. Zayn laughed, “What, do you miss him?” He asked, and Harry nodded. Zayn rolled his eyes, as much as Harry was an idiot, his innocence could be appreciated. “Just go in,” Zayn said, gesturing to their bathroom, because he would rather listen to his roommate fuck the apparent ‘one’ in the shower from his room to distract himself from Liam Payne.

Harry’s eyes lit up and he nodded, jumping from the couch, fortunately refraining from hugging Zayn goodnight and heading to the bathroom, and Zayn heard a small gasp and a familiar “Harry!” as he rolled his eyes, heading to his room.

 

The next day, Zayn woke up with a blasted hangover, but took an aspirin as he skipped breakfast and headed straight to work at his part time job, which he was doing till he got his teaching degree.

Yes, because a chiselled man with tattoos and an earring and a drinking problem was going to teach elementary school children English one day.

He missed Harry’s boyfriend again, who apparently headed out early that morning. He didn’t get it, the man had sex on his couch and used his shower several times and he’d never met him, but It’s not like he cared anyway. He got up to the delivery centre and picked up what he needed to work with today. He sighed as he read the listings and the packages he needed to drop off, and drove around town meaninglessly until he looked up the last address.

**_Liam J. Payne_ **

He sighed, turning the car and heading to what he could only expect what was Liam’s apartment. He got up to the floor, package in hand as he rang the doorbell.

“Delivery for Liam Payne!” He said, hoping Liam would open the door. He felt disgruntled when he heard the yet familiar sound on the other end. “Jesus fuck, why so early?”

The door opened, and Zayn was greeted by none other than the familiar blonde hair and blue eyes. “What the fuck?” Niall said, scowling. “Why the hell are you at my house?!”

Zayn put his head in his hand. “Delivery for Liam Payne, he lives here right?” Zayn said, uninterested. Niall rolled his eyes. “He isn’t home, give it to me,” He said, taking the package and the papers and signing them.

“So, are you thinking of going back to the bar tonight?” Zayn asked once Niall paid him, putting his hands in his pocket. Niall rolled his eyes. “For what? To let you have sex with me again?”

“I don’t go back for seconds.” Zayn said simply, registering the hurt expression on the blonde boy’s face. He sighed. “Hey, look, I’m sorry if I’m hurting your feelings or whatever, but I don’t really do the whole let me take your number so we can meet up again shit, It’s too much effort.”

Niall sighed. “Look, I’m not going to judge your choices, but don’t do that to every bloke you see okay? Because as much as you deny it, you need love in your life.”

Zayn laughed, looking at Niall. “Thanks for the advice mate, but I’m not going to engage in anything that’s going to hurt me inevitably.” He said, desperately wanting to leave.

“Love doesn't hurt people, people hurt people. And someone must’ve screwed you over pretty bad if you’re like this.” Niall said, and Zayn tried to ignore how those words imprinted in his head, burning him a little. He swallowed. “Can I leave, please?” He said, wanting to get out of this _useless_ conversation.

“You’re going to find him, you know.” Niall said, before almost closing the door. “Who?” Zayn asked, raising an eyebrow.

“The person who’s going to make you realise that you actually have feelings.”

Zayn gulped, waiting for Niall to close the door, looking back at the list, reading the name on the page again and again, trying to convince himself he wasn’t thinking what he was.

**_He’s already found him._ **

***

 

Zayn found himself at the bar again, drinking his usual, surprisingly not in the mood to find someone to fuck the daylights out of. He ran a hand through his hair, before he felt the stool next to him move. “One coke, please.” His eyes widened at the voice, raising his head.

“And so we meet again,” Zayn said, feeling that irregular feeling of butterflies in his stomach going crazy. Liam perked up, “Zayn!” He said, smiling widely. “You just disappeared yesterday.” He laughed.

Zayn stirred, “Yeah, I’m sorry, I just needed to-”

“Leave because you slept with my roommate?” He said nonchalantly, giving a big smile to the bartender when he handed him a coke.

Zayn coughed, “Er, he told you?” He asked, realising that he should’ve seen this coming.

“He didn’t need to, he’s my best friend, I know what’s going through his head.” Liam said, smiling sadly. Zayn sighed, “He is a bit of an open book, yeah.” Zayn said, raising his eyebrows.

“S’okay, he’s a grown man, he can take care of his one night stands.” Liam said. Zayn sighed out of relief. “So I’m guessing I can’t even offer to buy you a drink?” He asked, actually admitting defeat for once.

“I would say no plainly because I’m not supposed to be drinking.” Liam said, smiling. “So you aren’t going to lecture me about how terrible it was to treat your best friend like that?” Zayn asked, a little shocked.

“Like I said, Niall can handle his own one night stands, and I may look it, but I’m not the lecture type.” He laughed, running a hand through his hair, and Zayn noticed a tattoo on his arm for the first time and almost gaped. They were nowhere as graphic as his own, but they were still tattoos, right?

Zayn wrapped his fingers around the glass, Niall’s words from earlier burned in his mind, and those fucking brown eyes were ruining his life. He swallowed, resting his chin on his palm, doing something he hadn’t before. “So Liam, tell me about yourself.”

 

Ever since Harry Styles had walked into his life, Zayn couldn’t remember ever finding out so much about a person in such little time. He had found out everything about Liam from where he was from, his obsession with everything and anything Disney, how his friends got him to get tattoos, where he worked, why he moved to London, and Zayn couldn’t understand how he was actually _listening._ He was never one for the chatty types, his conversations did not extend beyond slurs and asking people if they could shut up so he could fuck them already. He wasn’t even that drunk, was he?

Zayn listened to Liam laugh, watching as his face contorted in laughter, and that brought a smile to his face, see the light return to his _brown_ eyes. As he continued to watch Liam, Niall’s words repeated devilishly in his head, but he decided to ignore it and focus on the boy in front of him instead. In all honesty, it took Zayn less than 3 minutes to realise that he was actually having _romantic_ feelings towards this person, but he couldn’t accept it. That wasn’t him, that wasn’t Zayn Malik.

That wasn’t the Zayn Malik he’d built himself to be.

Liam smiled widely, and Zayn felt like he was going to die. Liam’s eyes flickered to his watch, and he frowned. “Damn, It’s getting pretty late. I should get back.” He sighed. “It was great talking to you Zayn, you’re actually a pretty nice guy.” He smiled again, and Zayn didn’t think he’d ever been so disappointed when someone _left._

“Wait.” Zayn blurted. His mouth went dry as he spoke words he’d never said before. “Give me your number.” He said, pulling out his phone. Liam smiled, taking it and keying his number in, saving it and handing it back to Zayn. Zayn had only realised he had like 8 contacts on his phone, his mum, sisters, Harry, and a few mates from work he needed to call in case of emergency. And now Liam, who hadn’t failed to add a smiley face after his name.

“Bye Liam,” Zayn said, disappointment clouding him as he watched Liam exit the bar, grinning a happy smile and waving good bye. Zayn groaned internally, because it was happening. Exactly what shouldn’t have been happening happened. He’d gotten back with brown eyes, the endless trap which lured him in, _forced_ him to feel.

Niall’s words didn’t stop echoing in his head, because it was the truth. He’d found him.

Zayn put his head in his hands, this shouldn’t have been happening. He doesn't _fall_ for people. He doesn't give them his fucking number! He needed to convince himself otherwise, and he smiled when he found the perfect opportunity. He slid across the bar next to the blonde girl without _brown_ eyes who sat down, ordering some sugary drink that would just make her even more drunk, much to Zayn’s liking.

“And you are?” Zayn smirked, watching as the blonde girl turned towards him. She smiled back, and Zayn took that as indication that both their intentions were clear.

“I’m Perrie.” She smiled, sipping her drink. “And you?”

“Zayn,” He smirked again, relishing in the fact that this girl was basically walking into his trap. “So, Perrie, can I buy you a drink?”

***

When Zayn walked out of Perrie’s apartment near midnight, he’d actually felt guilty. But not guilty for indulging in another pointless hookup. Not guilty about basically ditching Perrie after sleeping with her, because she was actually quite pleasant if you asked him. He was _guilty_ because of the stupid fucking brown eyes that were all he could think about since the moment he left the bar.

He thought sleeping with a stranger was going to _distract_ him. But in honesty, it just made him feel worse. He felt like he was doing something bad to Liam, and he couldn’t deal with that. He didn’t want to see Liam get hurt. Ever. He mentally cursed himself as he checked his phone, seeing a text message from none other than the person who was plaguing his mind as well as his sex life.

**Liam :)- Zayn! Just wanted to see if you saved my number :)- Liam**

Zayn sighed, biting back a giggle- _a fucking giggle-_ as he took the effort to type something back.

**Zayn- It’s saved, why are you up so late anyway? ;)**

**Liam :)- I have an essay due tomorrow and Niall’s annoying me, so I’m gonna pull an all nighter. Entertain me through it?**

Zayn’s eyes widened, because he typed a reply almost instantly, swallowing, wishing he could push this away like he had for every emotion in the last 5 years.

**Zayn: Sure**

By the time Zayn got back to his apartment, he could hear Harry and his mystery boyfriend talking away in his room, and he swore he could hear a few sickeningly sweet ‘I love you’s’ and ‘you’re so beautiful.’

Zayn resided on the couch for a while, watching tv as he continued texting Liam, trying to stop himself from grinning like an idiot but failing miserably. He was actually eager to respond, but he didn’t want to accept it.

“Who are you texting?” Harry suddenly appeared out of nowhere, stunning Zayn. “mate, the fuck?!” He said, almost dropping the phone at the sight of his naked roommate. Harry rolled his eyes. “I said, whom are you texting?” Harry repeated, running a hand through his hair.

“No one.” Zayn lied, shooting Harry a glare. “Sure,” Harry smirked. He sat down next to Zayn, prodding him in the shoulder. “C’mon, tell me!” He whined, and Zayn sent another quick text to Liam before looking at him.

“Just my sister.”

“Liar, It’s someone you like, you should see the shit eating grin on your face Zayn.” Harry laughed.  Zayn sighed. “It’s just- It’s this guy I met today.”

“WHAT? YOU TOOK HIS NUMBER?” Harry said, dumbfounded. “Was the sex that good?”

Zayn stared at him blankly for a second, not knowing what to say. It had honestly just occurred to him that he and Liam hadn’t actually had sex- ever.

“wait..” Harry trailed. “You guys haven’t..?

Zayn bit his lips. “Erm, no, we haven’t.”

“You haven’t hooked up with him and you have feelings for him? That is so unlike you Zayn.” Harry said, eyes widening.

“I don’t have feelings for him.” Zayn shot back quickly. Harry let out a chuckle. “Sure Zayn, you totally don’t have feelings for him.” He said smugly. “You just haven’t walked out on him yet because you like the way he smells around you.” He said, laughing. Zayn shot him a glare as he fought a smile, because Liam did smell really good but he wasn’t going to mention that. 

“So, what’s his name?” Harry said. “Liam,” Zayn replied, giving up because he wouldn’t get away with not telling the curly haired boy anything.  Harry kept trying to find out more and more about this Liam guy, but Zayn just shrugged him off until he gave up and went back to his room, leaving Zayn stunned as he looked at the message he’d just gotten.

**_Liam :)- My class gets over at 1:30 tomorrow, do you wanna meet me for lunch?_ **

Zayn stared at the phone, not knowing what to do. Would that be a date? Was he actually thinking of getting serious? Were they going to sleep together? Why the fuck was he giving into brown eyes?!

**_Zayn- i’d love to_ **

***

 

“Jesus, Zayn, you look fine.” Harry said, unasked as he watched Zayn change for the 103rd or so time. “Where are you going anyway?” Harry asked, raising an eyebrow. Zayn just shrugged him off as he pulled on his final selection. “Just out.”

Harry’s face broke into a dimpled smile and Zayn didn’t like where this was heading. “You’re going on a date, aren’t you? I knew it! You’re meeting that Liam guy!”

Zayn bought his palm to his forehead as he didn’t respond, hearing Harry go on triumphantly. “Oh my god this is so cute I should take a picture and send it to your mom and tell her her little baby is finally going on a date and then they’re gonna kiss and get married and live in a house in the countryside with 2.5 kids and a cat who’s gonna have kittens and then you can give me one because I love cats-”

“Harry-”

“What, Zayn? This is gold!”

“Harry, we’re going to fucking eat lunch we aren’t going to elope.” Zayn sighed, and Harry pouted.

“It’s a start, and then you can fall in love and then move on to the kittens because I really want one.”

“One, I don’t fall in love, you know that. Two, you can’t get a kitten, not when I’m living with you.” Zayn shot back quickly.

“Like I said, It’s a start.”

***

 

Zayn tapped his fingers on the table continuously as he waited for Liam to arrive. He had half a mind to leave, but the thought of hurting Liam killed him a little more than he’d admit, so he stayed, feet plastered to the ground as he glanced at his watch. He couldn’t remember the last official ‘date’ he’d been on, and he didn’t even know if this was a date. Liam seemed like the dating kind of guy- not to mention the type who like the idea of the country house and 2.5 kids and the fucking cat- but Zayn swallowed as he heard the bell on the door of the cafe chime.

Liam walked in, holding a stack of books and papers, which obviously didn’t fit in his bag which was slung diagonally around his well built frame, probably filled with books too. He spotted Zayn and looked at him with his fucking _brown_ eyes and walked up to the table, smiling meekly.

“Zayn!” He said, dropping the stack on the table. I am so sorry I’m late, I got held back in class and jesus I hate my professor he’s such a meanie-”

“Liam-”

“I’m really sorry I hate being late!” Liam finished his apology and smiled, sitting down.

“Babe, we were supposed to meet here at 1:40, it’s 1:42.”

“Im so sorry.”

“LIAM. It’s okay,” Zayn laughed.  Liam sighed. “So, shall we order?”

After eating with Liam and actually laughing along to his stories and watching his _brown_ eyes crinkle with happiness Zayn had come to one conclusion: He was definitely on a date. And he was enjoying it. Liam was the practical opposite of Zayn, he was so emotionally strong, vulnerable, _happy_ and amicable and Zayn could feel this familiar feeling of bubbles in his stomach which he hadn’t felt since he’d seen David in homeroom and never wanted to feel again.  But he couldn’t deny it, Liam was just so bright and to be honest Zayn was 50% sure he was everything that was good in the world.

“Hey,” Liam smiled, cheeks turning red as he looked down. “I was wondering, I don’t have any more classes today, do you wanna like, I don’t know, come over?”

Zayn’s face broke into a smile. “I’d love to.”

 

Zayn waited for Liam to open the apartment door before sliding in after him. “Niall’s not home.” Liam said quietly, and Zayn could swear he saw a smirk form on his face.

And that’s when it happened.

That's when Zayn kissed him for the first time. That’s when Zayn realised all his efforts from the last 5 years had gone to waste. Liam was an amazing kisser, and Zayn had come across a lot of amazing kissers, but something about Liam was different.

It wasn’t as if Zayn didn’t like kissing, he just avoided it. He loved kissing, it was healthy, it was fun, and it was nice. But for some reason, a kiss was the most innocent of actions, and Zayn just found that too intimate. And _intimacy_ \- that was something Zayn preferred to avoid. When he slept around, his main aim was to not get attached. The more kissing, the more intimate it was. The more intimate it was- the more chances he’d get attached. And attachment leads to infatuation which would lead to love which was the main reason Zayn was so screwed up in the first place.

He and Liam kissed- and kept kissing, and Zayn wasn’t even getting tired of the slow pace they were going at. His fingers brushed against Liam’s defined face, tongue’s dancing in each other’s mouths, biting down on Liam’s bottom lip slightly when Liam gasped. They could’ve been there for moments, minutes, hours for all Zayn knew, but he genuinely enjoyed kissing Liam, the softness of his lips, they way their nose or their teeth didn’t clash awkwardly. It just made Zayn feel good.

Zayn used his free hand to move it to Liam’s shirt, breaking the kiss for just a moment as he pulled it over his head, followed by his own, moving immediately to kiss down his chest and his absolutely perfect body. Zayn had a strict **no marks** policy, but he didn’t even stop Liam when the younger’s lips reached his neck when he was back up again, his teeth grazing against the thin skin, nipping down slightly.

Zayn continued moving down Liam’s muscular body before reaching the waistband of his trousers, hesitating before hooking his fingers under them and pulling them down. He heard Liam let out a small breath as he felt the air of the living room hit his cock, and a loud moan when Zayn’s lips wrapped around the girth of the head, bobbing his head up and down slowly as he took him fully into his mouth.

Zayn’s tongue flicked at the slit expertly, before sliding down the shaft, and the only thing Zayn could hear was the sound of the traffic from outside and the sound of Liam turning into a withering mess under him. The boy’s hand fisted in his hair, but it seemed more reassuring than forceful as Zayn pulled off with a wet pop, Liam snapping up from his sex haze and frowning.

“Why’d you stop?” He said, biting his lip as if he’d done something wrong before Zayn slid back up his body till he was peppering soft kisses up his neck till his ear. “Lube, I’ll be waiting.” He smirked and watched as Liam basically freed himself from Zayn’s grip and went to the room to get what he needed. Zayn had a condom which he rolled onto his cock, awaiting Liam’s arrival.

The brown eyed boy walked back into the room with a small bottle before immediately getting back into their previous position, Zayn’s lubed up cool fingers pressing against his rim. Liam bit his lip as Zayn eased one in slowly, moving it in and out before slipping in the next, and he could feel Liam holding back an embarrassing moan but said nothing.

Zayn continued fingering him open, scissoring him before adding a third finger, and Liam held no restraints to the moans then, groaning loudly as Zayn’s lengthy fingers brushed against his prostate. Zayn was achingly hard now, and Liam was too, cock pressed against his toned stomach, leaking precome as Zayn leaned into kiss him, whispering an irregular “You’re so beautiful.” In Liam’s ear. The boy was too riled up to respond, and Zayn smirked, pulling out his fingers and lining himself up.

He pushed in slowly, giving Liam the time to adjust and easing in further, till he was in completely. Liam let out a soft moan at the feeling, and Zayn began thrusting in and out slowly, eliciting the most softest and _beautiful_ sounds from the boy. Zayn hummed against the skin of his neck, which his lips were currently pressed up against, lips forming an ‘o’ as they blew hot air on the now broken surface, and Liam was in ecstasy and Zayn could feel it.

It had occurred to Zayn that the sex was plainly better and more real because both of them were completely sober, but Zayn knew in the back of his mind that that really wasn’t the reason Liam could make Zayn feel so good. He did it without he realising it, he was so oblivious about the effect he had over Zayn- the _control_ he had over Zayn. Zayn knew he couldn’t blame it on alcohol- or anything or anyone for that matter.

He was enjoying this because he had feelings for the oblivious idiot with the brown doe-eyes.

Zayn felt his abdomen tighten as his release building up, and he wrapped his hand around Liam’s neglected length, pumping slowly as his thrusts got sloppier, forcing himself to look into the brown eyes that were his weakness as he came inside the condom. Liam came only moments later into Zayn’s hand, with a loud moan, breathing heavily.

Zayn pulled out after Liam began clenching around his softening length, tying up the condom and throwing it in the waste basket. Liam sighed, too much of a breathy mess to say much as he glanced at his chest and turned red.

“That was really great.” He blushed, and Zayn smirked. “Yeah.” He responded casually. “Erm, Liam, I kinda have to leave.” Zayn said awkwardly, realising he was actually thinking of staying, which could not happen by any means.

“Why?” Liam frowned, and Zayn felt so guilty it was unreasonable.

“I just need to get something done.” Zayn swallowed.

Liam made a face. “Thanks for lunch though, and thanks for meeting me.”

“We should do this again.” The unfamiliar words fell out of his mouth, and Liam had grinned and replied before he could take them back. He faked a smile and watched Liam close the front door before he buried his face in his hands.

This was _wrong_.

He wasn’t _supposed_ to feel this way. He’d promised himself he’d never deliberately push himself into something that would hurt him, and he’d fucked everything up because he’d fallen for someone with fucking brown eyes, breaking every rule he’d made since he was a teenager. Zayn was frustrated, he didn’t know why this was happening as he got out of his seat, walking out of the complex. This was wrong. And he had to change it. He couldn’t feel this way about someone, it was going to hurt him and he’d be an unfixable mess for life.

He needed to fix this. The only way he knew how.

As soon as it was late enough to leave, Zayn walked into the bar, planning to get drunk and fuck a random stranger to get Liam out of his head for good. He sat at his usual, ordering his usual as he attempted to drink away his feelings, before hearing sniffling in the corner. _Perfect target._

Zayn smirked as he saw the man in the corner, head in his hands as he hopelessly attempted not to cry in public, brown feathered fringe flicked all over his forehead. He had cerulean blue (Not Brown, thank fuck) eyes and a genuinely _pretty_ face, and Zayn could see the outline of his ass from his tight red pants and that was enough for Zayn to want to pounce on him. His shoes though- the black and white toms that encased his feet, seemed familiar, and Zayn hoped for dear god he wasn’t an old hookup or he’d have a drink thrown in his face like he did a week ago.

“Hey beautiful,” Zayn smirked, sliding up next to him. “What’s got you so sad?” He said, arm raising to place on the small of the blue eyed boys’ back. The man turned to him, red rimmed eyes softening a little as he wiped his eyes, composing himself.

“Just, boyfriend drama.” He sighed, shaking his head. “Oh,” Zayn cooed. “Well, I know all about boyfriend drama, considering I’m usually the cause of it.” He smirked, and the brunette let out a laugh. “I’m Louis,” He said, smiling weakly.

“And I’m determined to make you feel better.”

***

 

About half an hour later, Zayn was in the back if Louis’ car, hands firmly placed on the smaller boys’ hips as he fucked him, and he knew it was pleasurable for neither of them. Zayn couldn’t stop thinking about how wrong this felt, because Liam should’ve been under him and not Louis, whoever the fuck he was, and even if he had a great ass it didn’t feel worth it, considering the fact that he seemed to look like he was going to cry because of guilt any minute, even though he was the one who suggested sneaking out there.

Nevertheless, Zayn continued thrusting into him, and finding it satisfactory when Louis moaned in response, because he didn’t want the boy to feel bad, in all honesty. But something was off, and he knew if they’d hooked up before, he may have forgotten Louis, but Louis would have never forgotten _him,_ and the sounds sounded too familiar, and even when he laughed in the bar Zayn could swear he’d heard it before.

But that wasn’t what was annoying about Louis, every time he looked down at Louis, his bright blue eyes got in the way, because it felt wrong, they were wrong, the eyes shouldn’t have been _blue_. He knew exactly what eyes he wanted to look at but these weren’t them. He needed them to be warm and brown like chocolate and coffee and things that reminded him of home, not icy blue which just reminded him of what a trainwreck his life was since he’d denied himself of true happiness for too long. But Zayn needed to get off right now, and he knew there was no way he could if he kept looking at Louis’ eyes, which were currently his biggest turn off.

“Can I flip you over?” Zayn grunted, hips bucking into Louis once again, rubbing circles into his hips as Louis let out a hint of a moan, but Zayn could’ve known he was faking it just so they could get this over with. “No, we’re in a fucking car, my face will be pressed up against the door, and I like my nose, thank you.” Louis shot back. Zayn rolled his eyes, trying to think of a way this could work.

He leaned into Louis, his wrapping one hand around his cock that was pressed up against his small stomach, while taking the other and placing them firmly on Louis’ eyes. “What the fuck?” Louis said, involuntarily bucking his hips into Zayn’s hands as he squirmed. “Why did you cover my eyes, you twat!” Louis said, as Zayn didn’t change his pace as he thrust in and out of Louis, not receiving any pleasure whatsoever. “They’re wrong.” Zayn said simply as he continued.

“What?”

“They’re the wrong eyes.” Zayn said, just feeling uncomfortable now. Louis’ mouth pursed in confusion. Zayn went ahead for a few more thrusts, guilt weighing his down on his shoulders, Liam-dominated thoughts invading his mind when Louis mumbled something.

“Pull out.”

Zayn almost sighed in relief, pulling out of Louis, deciding he’d rather just have a proper wank in the shower instead of doing this. He was about to put his clothes back on, growing soft again before he heard Louis burst into tears. Zayn sighed. _Of course he’s a crier._

“I’m-I’m so-sorry.” Louis whimpered. “I just can’t do this to Harry, I love him.”

Zayn’s head snapped up at the name. No, It couldn’t be, could it?

“Harry?” He asked, mouth going dry.

“Harry Styles, my boyfriend, I still love him, I can’t cheat on him, it would crush him.” Louis said, wiping away his tears, and it all suddenly came back to Zayn.

His laugh sounded familiar. His _moans_ sounded familiar. “No.” Zayn said, colour draining from his face.

Louis suddenly turned to find Zayn frozen, as pale as a ghost. “Ar-are you okay?” He asked softly. Zayn shifted his head slightly to the side. “You’re the boyfriend?”he asked, face expressionless.

Louis looked at him, confused before realisation washed over him. “What was your name again?” He asked, and Zayn could practically hear the gears turning in his head.

“Zayn Malik.”

Louis suddenly gawked at him, eyes going wide. “You’re the roommate.” He said, mouth forming a small ‘o’.

“You’re the boyfriend.”

“Oh my fucking god!” Louis yelled. “I cheated on my boyfriend with his fucking best friend, what the fuck is wrong with me?!”

Zayn just stayed silent, his situation weighing down on him as he felt himself trying to control the actual tears that threatened to spill out of his eyes.

 

***

 

“You did what?” Harry said, painfully softly, and Zayn didn’t understand. He wasn’t angry- he wasn’t furious, murderous. He was just _hurt_. Zayn could suddenly see the softer side of his generally happy best friend’s face, how his green eyes were shielded and the soft curls sprawled around his face made him look so much smaller than he was. He couldn’t believe that Louis had talked him into telling Harry the fucking truth.

“You two slept together?” He asked at the same pace, and Zayn could basically understand how it would’ve felt to have someone twist your heart in your chest.

“No, not exactly.” Louis said, not meeting the younger boy’s gaze as he stared at his hands which were placed on his thighs. “We never finished, I couldn’t go through with it.”

“Never finished.” Harry repeated, and Zayn could practically hear his mouth go dry. He hadn’t said anything to Zayn yet, and it was making things really uncomfortable. The only stable relationship he’d ever had was with Harry, and he never wanted to ruin that. And he’d gone and fucked it up.

“I thought you loved me.” Harry said to Louis, and his tone wasn’t even accusing, and Zayn was finding those words eerily familiar.

“I do!” Louis protested.

“Obviously not enough to not want to hurt me.” Harry said coldly, and that was the moment Zayn’s universe crashed. Harry was him, naive, young, heartbroken. He was exactly where Zayn had been 5 years ago, something Zayn had never even gotten over, and it was _Zayn’s_ fault.

Harry got off the couch and bolted to his room, closing the door behind him harshly. Louis buried his head in his hands for a few minutes, before getting up and leaving, because he knew Harry didn’t want to see him right now. Zayn wondered if David had done the same. If he’d felt guilty, if he’d regretted or just went on and slept with Daniel Gold.

Zayn fought tears as he waited for Louis to leave, muttering a small sorry before heading to Harry’s room, finding it unlocked. “Haz?” He asked softly, opening the door and finding Harry on the bed, crying into his pillow.

“I really don’t want to look at you right now.” Harry said simply, not looking at Zayn as he cried again. “Harry, please-”

“Love isn’t worth eh? Love does nothing but hurt people, right?” Harry said, finally rising up and looking at Zayn. “I guess I finally got your point. Why you take so much time and trouble denying the fact that you have feelings. They tend to kick you in the balls.”

“No, Harry.” Zayn said seriously. “That isn’t you, you have feelings, you deserve that kind of happiness.”

“You did it to convince yourself you didn’t like that Liam guy, didn’t you?” Harry said sharply, glare hard at Zayn, and Zayn had never felt so scrutinised. He swallowed, biting his lip. “I tried.”

Harry let out a false chuckle. “Well, congrats, you have feelings. After 5 years, you’ve finally realised that you can do the one thing every human can do.”

“Lie to myself?”

“Feel.”

 

***

 

From what Zayn could recall, the next few weeks were a blur. A blur of avoiding Liam, avoiding the bar, Harry avoiding him. He’d come home from work and do nothing, till Harry came around and went straight to his room.

Liam called, texted, even went to the bar from what Zayn understood. It had been so long since he’d spoken to the younger boy, Zayn was on the verge of forgetting how beautiful his laugh sounded. He’d also almost forgotten how panicky he got when he did something wrong, and how cute he’d look when he’d freak out. He’d also almost forgotten how amazing his eyes looked when they were in every single light. He’d almost forgotten everything about Liam.

Or so he tried to convince himself.

When he walked out of his room on Tuesday morning to get to work, He saw Louis in his kitchen, eating a piece of toast while he could hear Harry singing in the shower, so he figured that was okay and things with Harry could get back to normal soon enough.

Things weren’t half as pleasant at work, after he read the address he had to make a delivery to. **_Liam J. Payne’s_** apartment.

He cringed as he hoped he’d be greeted by a grumpy blond Irishman instead of the brown eyes he’d been dreading and avoiding for weeks. As the door opened, he realised not every wish came true.

“Zayn?” Liam said softly, mouth forming a tight line as he saw Zayn on the other side. Zayn wanted to cringe, because Liam sounded genuinely upset, and he didn’t want that. Ever. His mouth went dry as he tried to spit out the words he’d been aching to say for 4 weeks now, but all that came out was-

“Delivery for Liam Payne.”

Liam, of course, just shrugged as he failed miserably at hiding the hurt expression on his face, and Zayn _never_ wanted to see that again. He signed the papers and handed it back to Zayn, eyes flickering towards his. “I’m sorry.” Liam said suddenly, and Zayn almost wanted to laugh if his heart wasn’t hurting so much.

“And what in the world are _you_ sorry for?”

“I’m sorry I actually believed that I meant more to you than another one of your stupid one night stands. I’m sorry I called and texted and disturbed you, I’m sorry I was a bother.” Liam said simply, expression unchanged.

Zayn just stood there, not able to find words to reply before he saw doors close in his face.

***

 

Zayn sighed as he decided to actually show up to his class for once, sitting in the bench as he waited for the teacher to come along. Why would they schedule a class at 7:00 am if the teacher would show up till 7:45? It was ridiculous. Zayn tried to think about nothing- not _Liam_ \- when his thoughts were interrupted.

“Hey, is this seat taken?” A female’s voice interrupted him. He turned to look at her, mildly attractive with her dark black hair and round blue eyes, she wasn’t _Liam_ but she looked nice for 7 o’ clock in the morning. “Sure,-” he started, trying to remember her name.

Her eyes flickered with a sort of familiar disappointment. “It’s Monica.” She nodded, smiling sadly.

Zayn bit his lip. “Uhm, sorry I’m not very good with names.” He said bitterly. Monica sighed. “It’s alright, I knew that when I woke up to an empty bed during spring break last year.” She said, in a way which Zayn couldn’t figure was either spiteful or humorous.

So he sighed, and did something he seemed to have picked up from the doe-eyed boy he’d stupidly gone and fallen for. “I’m sorry. About that, leaving you, and walking out and forgetting your name.” He said sincerely.

She raised an eyebrow, almost as if she was trying to figure out whether this was a joke before she sighed, small smile playing on her lips. “It’s alright, no hard feelings.” She hummed, going back to her coffee.

And _that_ \- that was what Zayn couldn’t comprehend. “Why aren’t you mad at me?!” he asked her. “Why aren’t you flipping out, why does no one flip out?”

She just looked back at him, eyes wide at his tone. She furrowed her eyebrows. “It was a year ago, I got over it mate.” She said, as if it was obvious. She sighed at Zayn’s dismay. “I’m guessing I’m not exactly the one you’re mad at right now.” She said, and Zayn knew her tone was understanding.

“It’s nothing.” Zayn mumbled, trying not to look at her.

“Zayn..” She started, and Zayn scoffed, as if he was going to tell her the truth.

“You’re not very good at accepting the way you feel, are you?” She asked, cocking her head to the side, layered bangs falling to her forehead.

“I don’t really feel.” Zayn lied, and Monica let out a small laugh.

“Theres a difference between pretending not to feel and not feeling.” She said simply, and Zayn didn’t respond, because she was right and it was frustrating him. “It’s just relationship drama.” He said, giving up and she smiled sadly, muttering something under her breath before sighing. “You don’t talk about the way you feel, do you?”

“Not regularly.”

“Did I ever tell you that the assignment you’d submitted last term for your final English coursework was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read?” she said randomly, and Zayn looked up at her, raising an eyebrow. “What does that have anything to do with this?”

“You obviously connect better when you write than when you speak. Your emotions have a way of showing themselves effortlessly, even though they don’t work that way in person.”

Zayn swallowed as he took in her words, thinking about them. “So you’re saying I should write?”

“I’m saying you could give it a try.”

***

 

The next day, Zayn stood outside Liam’s apartment, paper in hand as he read through the letter he’d spent half the night writing one more time.

**_Dear Liam,_ **

**_I’m Zayn. But not ‘just Zayn’ not the guy who hooked up with your best friend. Not the same guy who shrugged you off after we slept together. I’m not that Zayn. I’m Zayn Malik. I’m a 20 year old guy who’s even more fucked up in the head than you can really imagine._ **

**_I don’t feel. At least, I pretend not to- or convince myself otherwise. I don’t like feeling, I don’t like commitment, I haven’t since all those things gave me hard time. I don’t believe in love, I think it does nothing but hurt people like it hurt me. I like being the tough guy, the guy who doesn't care about anything because every sliver of vulnerability in my body makes me feel weak._ **

**_It just makes me feel like I’m going to feel that gut wrenching pain again, the pain I felt when I wwas 15 years old, the pain that never really left. And everyday after “love” decided to screw me over, it has been a tremendous series of heartaches. So I figured it was easier just not to feel than to force yourself to go through something that would supply that kind of pain. And I did it, for five years. I felt numb, emotionless, and then suddenly everything flipped around._ **

**_I met you._ **

**_And suddenly everything didn’t make sense anymore. I tried, I tried to get you out my head- out of my life. But nothing, something, anything bought me to the conclusion that I had to see you again. I don’t know what it is, whether It’s those tingly butterflies i’d never accept feeling, whether It’s what I saw when I went through my roommate’s stupid ass dvd collection, because to be honest, I just couldn’t get you out. Of my head. Of my life._ **

**_Because you are everything I’m not. You’re beautiful, you’re stable, cheerful, strong and everything I have ever wanted to be. You’re practically everything I try to avoid in a person, but I can’t rip away. Because as stupid and cheesy and unlike me this sounds, I need you._ **

**_I need you to convince me that I’ve just been denying myself of the way I feel for so long. Because I really, really like you. And It’s been a while since I’ve felt that way about anyone. I’m not very good at talking about the way I feel. This letter is obviously not apology enough for what I did, or what I’ve been attempting to do._ **

**_I just want you to meet me again. I knew I shouldn’t call or text, it just felt wrong. I need to meet you, to just say sorry and look at you one last time because you’re literally the person who’s changed everything for me. And even though I know you probably wont- you probably shouldn’t, but I need to see you one last time so if anything else I can realise that you’re better off without an idiot who pretends not to feel._ **

**_So if you want to, I’ll be at the bar tonight, you know where you’ll find me. And if you don’t come, I’ll accept it, because I guess I really never deserved you. But thank you, Liam. Thank you for showing me the fact that I could feel. Because It’s beautiful. The thoughts that I have about you are plainly beautiful, and I want to have them again- even though I would never accept it._ **

**_So I hope to see you there._ **

**_Zayn M_ **

Zayn knocked on the door, only to be met by hazy blue eyes and messy blonde hair. “Zayn?” He said, rubbing his eyes. “Why the fuck do you show up so early?!”

“It’s 3 o’clock in the afternoon, Niall.” Zayn said simply. He held up the letter. “Delivery for Liam Payne.” He said monotonously. “You seem to be delivering a lot, twat.” Niall mumbled, and Zayn sighed, too exhausted to fight back. “What do I need to sign?” Niall said, and Zayn shook his head. “Nothing. Just, give this to Liam, It’s a letter addressed to him.” Zayn said, putting the letter in Niall’s hands and whipping around.

“Hey! Wait! This isn’t stamped?” Niall inquired, but Zayn just shrugged him off and walked away.

***

 

“Here you go!” The bartender said as he slid the drink across the table so Zayn could take it. “Thanks,” He mumbled incoherently, glancing back at the door to see whether Liam was coming or not. He knew in his gut the boy wasn’t going to show, but he needed that sliver of hope to see those brown eyes to keep him going.

He took a sip of his drink, the bartender asking him why he looked so depressed.

“I can feel.” He said simply, and the man thought it was enough as he turned to make a new drink. Zayn had been here for an hour now, and he knew it wasn’t worth it, Liam wasn’t going to show. It had happened again. He’d let himself go- let himself feel, and here he was, alone in a bar as he waited for someone who wasn’t going to show up.

He sighed, considering giving up before the stool next to him moved, and the voice recited the three words he’d been hoping for.

“One coke, please.”

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Please give me feedback here. Dedicated to lanadelreysofsunshine (Courtney!) because apparently i need to apologize for not writing any Zarry in this. Seriously bro, get your own whore this pimp is busy. No hard feelings though. Also, if your name is David, and you have brown eyes we are not friends.
> 
> ...Except for you David, you’re a nice guy. I’m sorry for always writing you in as the ex boyfriend no one likes.  
> Also, I’m definitely going to write more Ziam!  
> -Rachel


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